Day 164

Back to basics.

I want to be somewhere between 70 and 90 kilograms – a comfortable size 14. Knowing my body and seeing the bodies of the women in my family I don’t think it would be realistic for me to expect my body to be smaller than this. I still consider myself chubby at this weight as opposed to say, words like ‘thin’ or ‘lean’ but this feels like the right weight for my body and I feel my best at this weight. At this weight, issues like reflux and joint stiffness in the morning resolve themselves.

I want to be fit, alert, and have energy. Regular medium to high impact exercise gives me this.

I want to feel good in my body as a result of the foods that I eat. My body feels best when I am eating leans meats, vegetables and not too many carbohydrates or sugars. I have concluded that I have some issues with carb addiction/cravings – it is easier for me to eat an appropriate amount of food for my body and to eat better foods when I do not have carbohydrate cravings.

Too much alcohol stuffs around with my feelings of clarity and control over carb cravings.

Too much weed stuffs around with my energy and my feelings of positivity.

Everything else is just detritus, things left over from the past, failed dieting attempts and bad experiences I’ve tied up with my fat. I can take those things, try my best to understand them, and pack them away. They will always be a part of me, but they are not me. My body isn’t a problem. My body is a gift.

You can ask me anything.